I think an adult I know needs help.

If you think something is wrong, it probably is.

Family, friends, and co-workers are often the first to notice that someone they care about is struggling with depression or bipolar disorder.

Intervening isn’t always easy.

It can sometimes be difficult to know how to help – and sometimes the desire to help can be mixed with feelings of anger, frustration, or fear.

But you CAN help an adult.

You are in a strong position to make a difference. You know the person, and you care about their well-being. After you learn how to offer support and encourage treatment, you will be ready to approach the person you are concerned about.

Depression symptoms you may notice

You may notice some or all of these symptoms in the adult you are concerned about. Note that they will be changes from how the person usually is.

• Talking very negatively or expressing hopelessness
• Acting without concern for others
• Abusing alcohol or drugs
• Picking fights or being irritable, critical, or mean
• Withdrawing from family and friends
• Having trouble at work, school, or home
• Problems concentrating, making decisions, or remembering
• Talking suddenly about separation or divorce
• Complaining of physical aches and pains
• Eating too little or too much
• Sleeping too much or too little

   

Ready to help an adult in your life?

Your initial objective should be to connect with them and encourage them to get a mental health assessment. Here are some tips for talking with your family member, friend, or co-worker:

• Find a time to talk with as few outside distractions as possible.
• Tell the person how much you and others care about them.
• In a thoughtful and nonjudgmental way, acknowledge the changes in mood, affect, and behavior that you have observed. Talk about how these changes have impacted you and the other people in their life.
• Leave space for the other person to talk. Listen to them and empathize with their feelings. Indicate your willingness to provide support.

Check out our communications webinar and the Stages of Change videos for more information to help with conversations.

Encouraging Them to Get Professional Help

Encourage the person to get a mental health assessment with their primary care provider or a mental health professional. Mention that depression and bipolar disorder are both treatable medical conditions. Often, people feel relieved to learn that they are experiencing a medical condition.

If they’re hesitant to talk with their provider, they can start by filling out our Depression and Bipolar Test. They can print the results and bring them to their provider to start the conversation. You can offer to make the appointment, drive them, and even go with them to be supportive and share your observations with the provider.

People with mood disorders have a medical condition, not a weakness of character. When you help an adult, you should be aware of the person’s particular needs. It is important to be supportive of them and of their seeking help.

What Not to Do

• Do not dismiss their feelings by saying things like “snap out of it” or “pull yourself together.” These are unrealistic solutions to a medical issue.
• Do not force someone who is depressed to socialize or take on too many activities. This kind of pressure can alienate them from you and may result in them having a sense of failure and feelings of worthlessness.
• Although you can acknowledge negative views your loved one may express, do not agree with them. Negative thoughts are a symptom of depression. Present a realistic picture from your perspective. Support them by sharing hope and your belief that the situation will get better, particularly as they are now taking steps to get care.

If your help is refused

Sometimes, when you try to help an adult who has a mood disorder, your help is declined, or nothing you do seems to help. You end up feeling rejected and discouraged that there is nothing more you can do. Understanding the Stages of Change can help you set expectations, manage your feelings, and interact with the person in ways that are responsive to their situation.

Depression distorts people’s thinking, bringing up negative thoughts and feelings of guilt, hopelessness, and worthlessness. People who are experiencing depression may reject your help because they believe they should be able to help themselves and feel discouraged when they can’t. They may not believe that anyone really cares about them and they are not worth anyone’s time or effort. They may withdraw or start an argument as a way of deflecting the attention from themselves. People with depression may feel so hopeless that they do not see recovery as a reality.

Fifty percent of people with bipolar disorder have a lack of insight, so they do not realize they are experiencing a mental health condition. For example, someone with bipolar disorder may believe they are just a “high-energy person.” This makes family involvement in seeking and managing treatment even more critical.

With these difficulties in mind, here are some things you can do.

• • Provide consistent support. When you consistently and continuously show support, the person will see that you are determined and may accept your help. Offer your unwavering support, tell them that you’ll be here when they are ready.
  • Ask what help would be helpful. When your help is refused, restate how much you care about the person and how you believe that they will be able to feel better when they address the mood disorder. Tell them that if the help you are offering doesn’t feel helpful, you are open to suggestions (although the person with depression may not know what they need)
  • Focus on behaviors. If the person is reluctant to seek help, don’t try to convince them that a mood disorder is causing the problems. Instead, talk about their behaviors and the ways in which treatment can help. For example, after you have listened and empathized with the person’s feelings, try to agree on wellness goals (e.g., consistent sleep and feeling less irritable). Then, try to assign some action steps that you can agree on to reach these goals (e.g., after two weeks, if the person does not improve, you will set up a medical evaluation).
  • Agree on professional help. It is important to make sure your loved one gets the professional help they need. If they are reluctant to see a therapist, talking with a primary care physician may be a less overwhelming option.
  • Get backup. Enlist family members, friends, and others who can also talk to the person and express their concerns and willingness to provide support.